WWE Monday Night Raw Report: May 17, 2010

Posted: May 18, 2010 in Raw, Show Report
Tags: ,

Courtesy of wwe.com

The second ever commercial-free episode of Monday Night Raw was, well, an episode. It is really hard to describe it using any other word or logic. Things happened and quite a lot of them. Having no commercials (EXCEPT IN CANADA) worked for some aspects (made matches longer, gave more time to the mid-card) and hurt others (made matches longer, segues lacked coherence). Over two hours, we had a shocking championship win, plenty of Smackdown infiltration, a “interesting” guest host and a lot of Over The Limit hype. Let’s get this started because it’s going to take a while.

Bret Hart/Chris Jericho promo

Bret Hart makes his way to the ring to open the show and receives a warm, hometown welcome. According to Bret, he heard from “WWF” (Uh…OHHHHH…) HQ and was told that he had a U.S. Title match. Actually, according to reports, his son told him and it was “news to him.” Regardless, he decides that he does not want to be one of those old guys that hangs on and will not wrestle the Miz. Chris Jericho interrupts and goes Wrestlemania XXIV on Bret. While C.M. Punk might be the best on the mic in terms of making the audience care about what he says, Jericho is the best when it comes to mannerisms and facial expressions. When you see Jericho make his beady-eyed grin, you just believe he feels like he is better than everyone else. He gives Bret one of those in goading him into taking the match and making it a No DQ match no less. This makes sense since Bret’s match at Wrestlemania XXVI was a No DQ to limit his bumps. Bret held his own on the mic and also plugged the tag team match with the Hart Dynasty at Over The Limit. Overall, a good way to open the show.

Edge v. Christian – Pick Your Poison Match

Edge and Randy Orton would be selecting each other’s opponents tonight. Edge is out first and cuts a promo for his match at Over The Limit. Christian’s music hits and we have the dream match we’ve been waiting for. I like how Justin Roberts does not announce the hometown of a heel if they happen to be in said hometown. When Edge came out, Roberts did not make mention of Toronto, but did when Christian entered. (Side note: I went to Survivor Series 2009 in my hometown of Washington, D.C., which happens to be Batista’s, When he entered for his match with Rey Mysterio, they didn’t announce D.C. either. Nice touch). The match got off to a slow start, but they went with the “familiarity” angle with plenty of near-falls and reversals. I’m glad there were no commercials in this match; it was a solid pay-per-view style of match. We also got a great false finish with Edge reversing Christian’s failed top-rope attack into an Edgecution, but Christian kicked out. The match ends when Edge sends Christian into the ring post and hits a Spear. What a great match. With last week’s match with Kofi Kingston in mind, Christian has been on fire lately. I hope he becomes #1 Contender after the Big Show on Smackdown.

Edge v. Undertaker – Pick Your Poison Redux

After the match, Orton appears on the Titantron to congratulate Edge on his victory, but was unsure as to why Christian came out in the first place. According to Orton, Christian was not his hand-selected opponent. His real opponent? The Undertaker. Look, I understand that Orton is a face now, but as much of a storied history as the Undertaker has with Edge, Taker has had a heated rivalry with Orton in the past as well. Why would the Undertaker agree? Oy. Edge slips out of the ring and gets himself intentionally disqualified. But Christian was still there and throws Edge in for the chokeslam. We won’t see Undertaker for another three months.

Maryse/Eve Torres backstage promo

Maryse is getting her makeup done and we get the original “face Diva takes over unbeknownst to heel Diva and throws makeup all over her” gag. But then Eve beats the holy hell out of Maryse. That was pretty awesome.

Vickie Guerrero/Buzz Aldrin backstage promo

Canadians did not see this promo, but in short, Buzz Aldrin is in the back with his wife. Vickie enters and says they are in her office. Buzz actually says something important, noting that he has spoken to “WW….F….E” HQ himself and that Vickie is no longer GM and her replacement will be announced next week. The Bellas escort Vickie out? I guess they are good for something. Maybe. No, not really.

Mark Henry v. Batista

This match never happens. Henry is selling Batista’s attack last week and gets jumped behind by Batista with a 2X4. Batista destroys him and puts Henry in his modified crossface/chickenwing submission. I have a feeling that will be a factor in the “I Quit” match on Sunday. Poor Mark Henry. I bet Buzz set this up to get back at Henry for hitting him with a chair.

Ted DiBiase/R-Truth promo/Ted DiBiase (with Virgil) v. Yoshi Tatsu

Instead of commercials, there were promos that mimicked commercials. The best one teased a Mastercard advertisement featuring DiBiase and Truth. It was well done. DiBiase comes out with the real Virgil for his match against Yoshi Tatsu. A good back-and-forth contest between the two and DiBiase wins with Dream Street via a reversed buzzsaw kick. He then plugs his just-announced match with Truth at Over The Limit. DiBiase mentions that Virgil will be in his corner on Sunday, but I was surprised that Truth didn’t show up at all. This should make for an interesting undercard match. Stay tuned.

Bret Hart v. The Miz – No DQ Match for the WWE United States Championship

I try not to swear on this blog (children might be reading), but quite frankly, this entire match was a clusterf*ck. The Miz cuts a good promo before the match, Bret comes out, Miz informs Bret that he hired Vlad Kozlov and William Regal to watch out for the Hart Dynasty, then the Dynasty shows up anyways and fights off Kozlov and Regal (GASP FOR AIR). Jericho enters the ring, but Natalya joins Bret and slaps Jericho. Miz grabs Natalya before Bret decks him. Jericho gets back up, but D.H. Smith tackles him. Where the hell are Kozlov and Regal? Miz attempts the Sharpshooter on Bret, Tyson Kidd hits a springboard drop kick, the Dynasty hits the Hart Attack, Bret puts on the Sharpshooter and Miz taps out?! WHAT.

Forgive the run-on sentences, but that’s the only way I could really describe the match as what it truly was. I thought Bret’s contract expired yesterday? To quote the Rock, sweet creme on an ice cream sandwich, what in the blue hell are you doing?! The guy is 52 years old and saying that he is not in good shape would be an understatement. I will give the WWE props for its unpredictability, but I do not like this at all. The WWE “eliminates” Daniel Bryan, who was supposed to be the one to take the title off of Miz, and this is the best they can do? Are all of his matches coincidentally going to be No DQ matches? Rant over.

The commentary during this match was also unfathomable. First, Jerry Lawler questions why Bret would want to be U.S. Champion, but by the end, he is ecstatic that Bret has won. Not only that, but now that Bryan is gone, is Bret Michael Cole’s newest victim? Either that, or Cole has a thing for the Miz. Cole believes that Miz has been screwed and that Vince McMahon was screwed at Wrestlemania. I am not even going t0 try to fathom what the hell has transpired anymore. I don’t think (or hope) that Bret will be champion for long. What I can see happening is Bret vacating the title and there being a tournament set up for the U.S. Title, where Bryan Danielson returns and wins. Just a thought.

WWE Women’s Champion(s?) Layla El, Michelle McCool, and Maryse v. WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres and the Bella Twins

Michelle McCool has a Women’s Championship on, too? This I don’t understand, but I am glad that they didn’t attempt to explain it on Raw. It is a Smackdown issue and will have viewers tune in on Friday. Not that much of a match. Maryse wins with the French Kiss DDT on one of the Bellas (By the way, the tattoo is above one of their crotches. Just sayin’). I liked how LayCool bailed after the match and didn’t take part in the post-match fracas. They have no invested interest so they shouldn’t be involved. Nice touch.

John Cena backstage promo

It’s serious Cena time, or as I like to call it, Seri-Cena. Josh Mathews asks Cena to answer his critics, which Cena refuses to do, but actually ends up answering all of their questions anyways. Cena promises his “Cenation” that he will not quit, so it was essentially a recycled promo from Cena’s “I Quit” match with Orton from Breaking Point. By the way, Cena has broken promises before. Remember that time Cena promised not to lose another match until he regained the WWE Championship after losing to Sheamus at TLC? Yeah, he lost. Enough nitpicking. I do like Cena, but sometimes he can get too corny for me. This was one of those times.

Randy Orton v. World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger – Pick Your Poison Match

Did anyone else feel like Orton looked weird/naked without his black wrist tape? Anyways, a rematch from Extreme Rules that didn’t get much time. Each man hit their “vintage” spots and the match ends by DQ when Edge jumps Orton. Swagger eats an RKO, but Edge spears Orton. A good way to set up Orton/Edge while also keeping Swagger looking strong by not being pinned clean.

Buzz Aldrin/Zack Ryder promo/Ryder and Alicia Fox v. Evan Bourne and Gail Kim (with Aldrin)

The promo was a train wreck, but I did like the footage of Buzz punching a guy out. I am not going to lie when I say that was pretty badass. The match is formulaic; at least we didn’t get the Shooting Star Press this time.

John Cena v. Sheamus

I loved how aggressive Cena was off the draw, but Sheamus eventually worked on Cena’s head, setting up a weakness/target for Batista and his submission on Sunday. Neither man ever looked like they were going to get pinned until Cena went into his normal progression. Luckily, Batista interferes and we get a DQ finish. Batista destroys Cena and Sheamus did the right thing in bailing out, since this is not his match. Batista locks on his submission and tries to get Cena to quit, but the show fades out beforehand. A good cliffhanger and another reason to buy the show. The WWE did a much better job putting over Over The Limit than Extreme Rules. A very interesting show and I am looking forward to next week, which is what the WWE wants all along.


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